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Monday 24 May 2010

When a woman pushes you away...

One of the most common reactions a person will feel
After making a big purchase is the "oh, crap... I
shouldn't have done that" feeling.

After the impulse to buy has been satisfied, the
emotional hole leaves all kinds of room for regret to
sneak in and take you over.

The same exact feeling happens to a woman who has
slept with a guy. Even more so if she has not had
much time to get to know him and really establish
a firm sense of trust.

She's wondering:

"Did I do the right thing?"

"Hmmm... I shouldn't have done that..."

"Can I afford to risk my heart on him?"

"I should break it off now..."

"Am I a slut?"

And the list goes on and on...

You have to realize that a woman's primary focus is
on her assurance of support if something were to
"happen" after she slept with you. Guys have a small
risk compared with a woman's risk of 9 months and
another mouth to feed.

WHY do you
need to win her emotions over, "finally and fully"?

Is it because you just need to "conquer" this one girl?

Because I'm wondering if you are truly heeding the
voice in your head or the voice in your OTHER head.

You view HER as a prize because of her beauty, and
you're not in far enough to see that this girl also
has many liabilities. Maybe even more than her looks
can offset.
Be more cautious with her.

Think in terms of DISqualification rather than just
doing everything you can to pull her into your life.
If you do that, you'll also find the side benefit
that she will probably be more likely to let you
into her "heart problems."

By the way, this is the standard excuse that a woman
will give you when she's really saying:

"We went too fast, and now I need to slam on the brakes.

But rather than make you feel rejected and risk feeling
like I was a 'bad girl' for what I did, I'll point the
blame at some mysterious 'heart problem.' so I can avoid
feeling bad."

Generally speaking, women usually don't have any issues
related to other guys when they talk about these "heart"
issues. It's just a convenient excuse that guys will
accept and not feel rejected after they hear it.

The point here is that you are probably addicted to the
challenge of "
conquering" this hot woman than you are of
making a r
eal relationship. Guys most often do this
when they feel that they're losing something valuable.

Even if that value was based solely on her appearance.

You're more
afraid of losing her than you are actually
wanting
the relationship.

Scarcity is tricking you, my friend.

Go make a list of all the other things she adds to your
life and I think you'll find that your pencil hardly
moves.

Go back to looking at all the other possibilities
you've got in your life right now, and let the woman
with the most desire and the "real deal" stand up and
wave her hands to be Ms. Right.

Let her get your
attention and prove it to YOU.

THREE STEPS TO GET BACK WITH A WOMAN WHO PULLS AWAY:

1) YOU slow down the pace.

Now that you're back to dating regularly again, you
must be the one to demonstrate some doubt and put the
brakes on yourself.

Of course, in a lot of other dating situations, she
cools off and the guy is left desperately scrambling to
get her to even see him again, but either way, it calls
for some restraint.


Let me say this again, because it is such an important
concept:

A woman will
want you again when she feels like there
is
nothing pushing her to you.

It's a simple psychological principle that has worked
for me with EVERY woman that expressed hesitation about
getting together and getting physical. All you need to
do is give her the emotional
experience of uncertainty
to re-awaken
her desire.

Just say something like:

"You know, I've been thinking that maybe we're moving
forward pretty quick. I'd like to slow it down a little
and make sure we can just be friends first. You know
what I mean?"

This will relax her, and then you keep marching forward.

Of course we know that you never try to just be
"friends first" with a woman that you're intimately
connected to. It just doesn't work. But you want to
create the space for her to understand that you won't
be pressuring her.

This will create the space where you can then...

2) Establish trust and rapport.

The one thing she's looking for before she goes
forward with you physically is that she can TRUST you.

So you must show her that you are a reliable (but not
boring) guy.

Take her out with some friends of yours that you've
known for a while and are fun. I've found this a great
way to demonstrate my social value as well as get her
out of the same old mindset.


ALPHA FORMULA #1: Rapport is NOT equal to TRUST.

Rapport LEADS to trust, but does not guarantee it.

Rapport and trust are not exactly the same thing. It's
up to you to find out where her current trust issues
are and eliminate them.

Don't ask here where they are, either. All you can do
is show her some vulnerability, and that she is not just
someone you're out to score with. Maybe even a little
time.


ALPHA FORMULA #2:
Vulnerable does NOT equal WUSS.

It simply means being secure enough to demonstrate
rapport by revealing common emotions to her.

Of course you also want to...

3) Switch gears back to having FUN as fast as you
can.

The one thing I discovered that had the most impact
on making women interested in getting physical with
me again was to get her to
have FUN with me.

A woman's emotional experience and sexual attraction
with you is directly related to how much fun she
feels when she's with you.

The more I got her active and out of her head, the
less I was "serious" and pushing to move forward in
a relationship, the more I found that she wanted
attention and time from me.

And, the reverse was true. The more I felt like she
was slipping away and the harder I worked to "fix"
things, the more I actually sabotaged the good vibe we
had together.

When she's
having fun, she has nothing else to worry
about.

When she's having fun, she's not in her head.

When she's having fun, she's connecting on a very
intense level with you.

ALPHA FORMULA #3: L
aughing does not always equal FUN.

Fun is a more complete experience than just making
her laugh. She has to be
IN the experience with you,
and having you there as part of the situation as it
unfolds.

These are
shared experiences, which also create more
rapport and trust later on.