First of all, you gotta understand that what you choose to do with a woman on a date reveals a lot about your personality. So, if you fall back on "ordinary" activities, you will be seen as - well - ordinary.
Before we completely bemoan the classic "Dinner and a Movie", let's at least see why it is effective, if not completely ordinary:
1) It has TWO different activites;
2) It has TWO different venues.
As principles, these are very good and useful.
three guiding principles in formulating a date:
1) It must be FUN;
2) It must involve more than one activity;
3) It must happen in more than one venue.
What makes this so effective is that it is COMFORTABLE for her and for me.
Women are also reluctant often to go for a dinner date (unless they are more familiar with the guy) because they don't want the discomfort of being stuck at a dinner table with someone they don't really know.
By having the first section of our date together be with an activity helps us both to relax, and open up.
Then, we sit down and share some conversation - which is much easier now.
1) FUN - try to plan an activity at the beginning of the date which will automatically break the ice, and help you both relax. Galleries are great places to go, for example.
2) More than one activity - two things "to-do" at least. Dinner and a movie are two different activities. Step out of the box and show her that you see the world differently than the average chum...being adventurous is attractive.
3) More than one venue - By going to different places, not only do you both relax, but you also get to see more than just one side of someone.
Wednesday 27 May 2009
Cold reads
The key to building a bond with her is to engage her attention and get her to share information about herself.
Then you'll tell her how much you relate and establish rapport with her.
One of my favorite conversational tactics for accomplishing this is using Cold Reads.
in a club, talking to some babe who's acting a bit hard to get, I'll bust out a Cold Read:
"Y'know, Lisa, I get the sense that a lot of guys get the wrong idea when they first meet you. They think you're stand-offish and a bit cold. But you're actually a lot more sensitive, and funny, than people realize."
"I get the sense it takes you a while to trust people, because you've been hurt before by someone who was really close to you. But the people that do earn your trust, you would do anything for them."
"I can tell that you're someone who usually plays it safe and doesn't take chances, but sometimes you've regretted it because you missed out an opportunity. But then other times, you're spontaneous and adventurous, and you do take chances...and that's when you've had some of the best times of your life."
If she agrees with one of these "reads"--and honestly, -- I'll follow up by telling her that I can totally relate, because I'm the same way.
This builds a bond between me and her. In order to solidify the bond, I'll tell a quick story--one that illustrates how I'm the same type of person.
Then you'll tell her how much you relate and establish rapport with her.
One of my favorite conversational tactics for accomplishing this is using Cold Reads.
in a club, talking to some babe who's acting a bit hard to get, I'll bust out a Cold Read:
"Y'know, Lisa, I get the sense that a lot of guys get the wrong idea when they first meet you. They think you're stand-offish and a bit cold. But you're actually a lot more sensitive, and funny, than people realize."
"I get the sense it takes you a while to trust people, because you've been hurt before by someone who was really close to you. But the people that do earn your trust, you would do anything for them."
"I can tell that you're someone who usually plays it safe and doesn't take chances, but sometimes you've regretted it because you missed out an opportunity. But then other times, you're spontaneous and adventurous, and you do take chances...and that's when you've had some of the best times of your life."
If she agrees with one of these "reads"--and honestly, -- I'll follow up by telling her that I can totally relate, because I'm the same way.
This builds a bond between me and her. In order to solidify the bond, I'll tell a quick story--one that illustrates how I'm the same type of person.
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